failure, failure, failure.

At 22 it’s okay to be unsure what you want to do with your life, but by 25, if you do not know, you need help. Not sure when I became an adult but Sallie Mae calls me every morning telling me to pay my loans and that couldn’t be more of a wake up call.

I never had a problem getting a job in my life.  I moved to Denver, Colorado 100% confident by November 15th I would have a new career.  It’s January 13th and I sit here absolutely dumbfounded that this process has taken as long as it did.  I am almost ashamed of myself while people whisper under their breath “is she picky?”  Maybe.

I grew up the star in every play  – for the majority of my life I was given an odd amount of attention for my victories and being an only child for 8 years of my life only fed into this. Failure was never really a word in my vocabulary, I rarely got rejected.  I landed every job I interviewed for, most people knew me because of my angelic soprano voice, and my parents consistently made me feel like I was the best.  

Bare with me here, I’m not as conceited as that previous paragraph sounds.  Actually quite the opposite.

I moved to Denver in this “only child” mindset that I was going to kill it out here.  “I lived in New York City, Philadelphia….Denver will be a piece of cake!” This couldn’t be further from the truth.  I’ve applied for over 150 jobs, landed about 15 interviews, where I got offered 0 jobs.  Fuck. How did this happen?

As you know from my previous blog posts, I normally turn my negative experiences into positive ones and that is exactly what I am going to do here.

In all this chaos of not having a job lined up, my bills piling up, and being bored to death most of the weekdays, I found this sense of calm.  I’m not crazy, I promise.  I actually feel as if I have never been happier.  WHY?  Because in some weird, dusty corner of my brain I feel as if everything is going to fall into place.  I’ve been rejected over and over and over and yet I still maintain this quiet, humbled happiness that everything is going to turn out okay.

I’m not saying I haven’t burst out in tears every time I was let down, but a sense of calmness came quickly after every burst of tears.

What a grounding experience.  Rejection is a normal part of life, something I never really experienced, and it’s about damn time I experienced this and was brought back down to earth.

Maybe this rejection period of my life is finally transitioning me into adulthood.  Maybe it’s not the countless calls I get from Sallie Mae everyday to pay my, excuse my language, fucking expensive college tuition.  Maybe rejection is just what I needed on my journey.

WOW. I sound super Denver right now.

After all that being said, I did get a phone call that was a hopeful one.  I’m going to be working for a company that I have been following closely for years as their Wellness Blogger discussing curative diets for MS, Diabetes, and Arthritis.  So there is silver lining.  I stayed on top of my shit, cried when I needed to, and dealt with a mass amount of rejection and now I actually have a pretty cool gig – that will potentially turn into full time work.

So after feeling like a failure for the past 3 months and being rejected every time I applied for something, something good did come out of that.  A period in my life I will never forget and will always keep in the back of my mind.  Stay humble.  Stay grounded.  Go on.

 

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THEFW0RDS

I'm not brave, brave people have choices. I was given no choice. I lived a fast paced New York lifestyle, and after going blind in my right eye and my unexpected diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, my fast paced life slowed down a bit. After moving to Philadelphia in the Spring of 2014 I took my diet to another level. I went off all medication and adopted a plant-based whole food vegan lifestyle. I have passion like no other and stay positive through all. My blog is my journey. This journey wasn't the one I had planned for myself, but I embrace it and love every second of it.

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